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Jessie, We Gotta Go Fast (Breaking Bad / Sonic the Hedgehog Crossover) (WARNING: Bad language)


[Reply] #1
02-19-2015 10:50 PM
Joined: 02-19-2015
Posts: 2,543
UBER 1337 Poster
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Mods, as a new member, I give you full right to remove this if the language is too heavy to keep up.

Anyway, enjoy!


Jessie Pinkman sat with his back up against the wall just beside his door. He was taking deep breaths, letting all the pent up frustration leave him after he received a visit from Walter White. At first, Jessie didn’t know why he had showed up. His suspicion was that Walter was going to get his revenge for Jessie walking out on the meth manufacturing business, but it turned out to be the best outcome; Walter came to deliver Jessie’s share for the last heist of methylene from the train.

The bag of money sat by Jessie’s side, not doing anything for a while. Jessie didn’t know what to do with it let alone where to put it. He just sat there, pondering his future. What was he going to do now that he is out of the meth business? The thought made his head race, and it stressed him out. His immediate reaction to the stress made his mind wander to the stash of weed lying on his coffee table. The sight was like a toddler seeing loose candy.

Jessie walked up to the stash, grabbing a sheet of rolling paper next to it and making a joint. The aroma tempted him further as he pulled his lighter out of his pocket and summoned the flame at the end of the joint. Within a matter of seconds, his eyes rolled up as smoke blissfully escaped his mouth and surrounded him like mist. The room began to spin around him, but he did not feel dizzy. His vision blurred and the colors of his room began to brighten into more vibrant colors.

Jessie smoked another hit of the joint, speeding up the transition. Soon the world around him began to clear up. His entire room was practically cartoonified. His first move in this new world was to go outside. The grass was a much more noticeable green and the dirt had a checkerboard pattern of light and dark shades of brown. The road was just a flat color of grey with almost no texture other than a few dots to signify the illusion of abrasion. Along the road, Jessie made out what he thought was an oncoming vehicle as a giant ladybug on one wheel.

“Whoa…" Jessie gasped, “This isn’t real. This CAN’T be real!" A smile crept across his face as he frantically looked around, astonished. A gleeful laugh escaped him as he nearly passed out from dizziness, “Hell yeah! I’m in Sonic’s world, b*tch!"

Soon later, Jessie could hear what sounded like a spinning turbine headed his direction. It first appeared to be a blurry blue line arching over him, but the creature make a braking sound and revealed himself to be Sonic the Hedgehog. Jessie’s eyes widened, letting a wide open smile corrupt the bottom half of his face.

“This can’t be happening…!" Jessie wheezed as Sonic approached him at normal walking speed.

“Who are you? You must be new here." Sonic’s voice was the friendliest, most hospitable voice one can hear. Jessie couldn’t speak for a few seconds.

“Um… I’m Jessie Pinkman. I live in this house here…" Jessie gestured to what he thought was his house, only to reveal a small, block-esque cliff with the same texture as what used to be his yard.

Sonic smiled and laughed, “You ARE new here! No matter! Welcome to Emerald Hill! My name’s-"

“Sonic the… the hedgehog, yeah." Sonic nodded.

“Yes, it is… but how do you know that?"

“I play your games all the time."

"…games? What do you mean?"

“Wait, so you’re not aware that people from my world play you as a video game character?"

Sonic put a finger to his chin in thought, “I never thought of it that way." He looked up at the sky, “Is there really someone controlling my every move?"

“Whoa whoa, okay man, we shouldn’t be breaking the fourth wall like this…"

“You’re right. That’s too surreal to be thinking about. Anyway, Jessie, was it? You wanna race?"

Jessie nodded frantically, “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll race you!"

Sonic gave a thumb up to Jessie, shielding his eyes from the sun with his palm. He pointed over to a distance part of the world, “First one to the top of that hill wins!"

Jessie got his game face on, “Alright, bring it on, b*tch!"

Sonic smiled, getting into his ready stance. Jessie looked around, knowing he wasn’t as fast as Sonic. Luckily, Jessie had parked his car out in his driveway. He looked to see that it was still there in the same form as it was in the real world. He felt his keys in his pocket, dashing over to get in the driver’s seat and revving up the engine. Sonic looked over, waiting for a mutual start.

“On three!" Sonic said. Jessie joined him in counting, “One!... two!... THREE!"

Sonic was already at full speed, leaving barely a puff of dust where his feet were. Jessie was already in gear, flooring the gas pedal and letting the back tires pile up dirt behind him before accelerating to a surprisingly fast speed. The landscape scrolled by like a 2D sidescrolling game on crack. All the creatures that dwelled in it were startled by the oncoming beast, jumping out of the way and sometimes only falling victim to the decimating landscape behind them.

“Outta my way, b*tches! Jessie Pinkman has a need for speed!" Jessie wore a malicious smile as he tore through the homes and yards of local crabs and monkeys, running over several of them every second. The finish was near, and Jessie could see Sonic slowly coming into view. Jessie’s teeth gritted as he nearly broke the gas pedal from stepping on it so hard. The car started smoking, but Jessie was almost there, and Sonic was slipping behind. Jessie could feel victory approaching.

Just as the finish had been reached, everything in the world turned bland and detailed.

“Holy sh*t!" Jessie panicked as he was about to crash into a building that had appeared before him. He sharply turned the wheel in desperation, slamming the brakes but only in vain. The car turned broadside, catching itself in the pavement and flipping several times in the air before rolling a long distance into the building. Jessie had to fight the airbag that popped out, crawling out of the driver’s door of an upside-down car that lay flattened on impact. Jessie had a few scratches on his face that induced blood to flow down his cheeks and neck. Dirt plagued it, and blisters sculpted it like clay. He was breathing deeply, looking up at the horror that was the path he drove down to get here. Everything he drove through was destroyed, and many bloody corpses decorated it like Christmas lights.

It took Jessie a moment to realize the sound of sirens blaring in his direction from all directions. Panicking, he put his hands up out of instinct, waiting for the officers to nail him and put him in cuffs. To his surprise, it happened, and it came like an oncoming storm.

“Wait!" Jessie screamed, “Wait, please! I can explain!"

One of the officers gave him a confused look, “Explain what? Explain why you just destroyed a dozen houses and killed several dozen people? What the f*ck were you on, boy?!"

Jessie started to smile, “It was Sonic," he gasped, “It was Sonic’s idea!"

“Who the hell’s Sonic?" The cop looked around, “I don’t see anyone here but you!"

“But he’s here! I swear-!" Jessie seized talking. Sonic was right in front of him, waving his finger at him.

“You shouldn’t be driving while you’re high, Jessie Pinkman." He turned around, preparing to start running again, “Looks like I won this race. Maybe next time you be a man and use your feet!"

“HE’S RIGHT THERE! HE’S RIGHT F*CKING THERE BEHIND YOU!" Sonic disappeared into the horizon just before the cop turned around to look. Jessie’s face burnt up; veins swelled in his cherry-red forehead as he struggled to get words out, "…damn you Sonic. DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL! YOUR GAMES SUCKED! YOU WERE SO LAST YEAR, YA SPIKEY B*TCH! I’M GONNA KILL YA! I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YA!"

The cop called for back-up to restrain Jessie in his rage. He put his palm on his face, shaking his head as Jessie was escorted to the police car and shoved into the back seat. He looked at the crashed car, walking up to the driver’s seat and kneeling down to investigate the roof which acted as the floor. On the roof was a small green chunk of leaf, which he whiffed a sample of and immediately pieced it together.

“Marijuana," he sighed, “What else would it be?" He grabbed a small plastic bag from his pocket, putting the sample inside and zipping it shut, giving it to the detective that just stopped by.

Jessie’s desperate screams could still be heard from around the block.



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